Victim #26 ~ Anonymous

Sent : November 6, 2006 8:27:20 PM
To : marandmike@sympatico.ca
Subject : bockus
Hi Mike,
Thanks for your email.
The interesting thing is that this has been on my mind on and off this year, after some 45 years.
I too was one of Bockus' victims, circa 1961 I believe, just before he disappeared from GPK.
Bockus took advantage of young preteens who had no clue of what was going on. Confused and needing direction and help from people who they thought were there to help them through a difficult period; all they got was abuse which only added to the confusion.
A betrayal of trust by Bockus, the AC of C, and those in position in GPK to young people and their parents. If my father had known about it, which he didn't, Dad would have killed him if Mom had not got to him first.
I don't know how others have handled it. I don't know of others, but I'm sure I was not his only "date".
What the whole experience did to me was push me away from the church with the realization that it was an organization not worthy of my attention. This I think was the greatest harm of all and is what I can never forgive.
I landed on my feet socially, so to speak, finding a fantastic life partner, raising a family, and turning out generally well balanced, but that period is one experience I could have done without. I'd like to have those years back, but they were stolen from me and restitution is not possible. Life goes on, no rehearsals.
You are correct to pursue this, put the heat on, and help make child molestation a social abhorrence that simply will not be tolerated!
DO IT!!!
I also would like to see the name of the street changed and would be happy to participate in the endeavour.
If you have info, please send it to me. Also, you may use my name if you wish. You may use this message. Don't tell my Mom though.

Holy Smokes, this is rough. This Victim just left me shaking. Crying too. He has written the following essay detailing the life impact the pedophile Bockus has made on him, from the many abuses, through to today. Once again, we have been furnished with an Impact Statement that COMPLETELY validates our work. Grab the Kleenex and read ....

Why it Still Matters
I won’t go into the x rated details here; there is no point to that right now.
Maybe later I will, at the right time, the right place, and with the right audience.
I will say there were at least twenty visits to the Bockus Rectory.
The first time, I had no idea what he was doing as I had just entered puberty and was totally clueless. We never talked about sex at home. I didn’t know what sex was! It wasn’t long before I figured it out though, and realized that it was wrong, and that I did not like it and wanted it to stop.
However, inexperienced as I was, I didn’t know how to make it stop. I wanted to be involved in the Church and my mother insisted that I be. So there I was, totally confused and stuck between a rock and a hard place. No pun intended.
Then one day he disappeared without a trace.
I did not know why he was gone or where he went to, but I was relieved. I think around that time my mother out of the blue asked me what I did whenever I went to visit Father Bockus. I lied and told her I was helping him in the office because I had the feeling she could not have handled the truth and anyway, I was too ashamed to say it.
So you might ask what harm it did.
I can tell you it did plenty harm. I spent the rest of my adolescence ashamed and confused. What should have been a magical time of coming of age was the most painful period of my life.
I was attracted to girls but filled with shame, could never summon the courage to approach one. It was only the positive effect of my family and a few good friends that got me through.
Finally in my early twenties I became seriously involved with a young woman I had known for some time. A woman, who had the knack of making me feel completely at ease, and who, by the way still does. We married, had children and now are grandparents. You might say that everything worked out OK in the end, and I guess you would be correct to a point.
What you will never see, is me sitting up in the middle of the night, in my dark living room thinking about all this. It still happens to this day that I wake up in the night thinking about it, unable to get back to sleep, so I just sit in the dark and think about it for an hour or so and pay for it in the morning. This is a scar I have carried all my life.
The shame is gone, replaced by anger, but the scar still there. I don’t deserve to have this scar, but there it is.
You don’t know who I am, but it is not due to shame that I don’t tell you, it is only because of my dear Mom. I don’t want to have to explain it to her and I don’t want her to be burdened by it either.
Pedophilia is a hideous thing. It leaves permanent injury on victims and anyone who carries out such a selfish thing must be exposed and made to answer.
Any organization, a Church of God for goodness sake, which sanctions it by silence must be exposed and made to answer.
When Bockus disappeared, I had the feeling that the truth had caught up to him and that he had been “shipped out”.
I thought it strange that no one from the Church had contacted me since it should have been clear to the elders that I was one of his favorites. They were there on Sundays when I was lighting and snuffing the candles and holding the tray with the Sacraments while they were on their knees. Soon after the bewilderment turned to anger and I left the Church feeling it was an organization not worthy of my attention.
Sadly, I still feel this way today. I have given the Church two opportunities to approach me but it has failed to do so in any meaningful way. I am sad about that but will not pursue them for restitution, explanations, or apology.
I want to see if they are worthy of my attention, and so, I wait for them.
I don’t buy the argument that the issue should be left alone since Bockus has died and his family would be made to suffer. I’m sure his family had come to terms with what he was a long time ago.
Father Bockus may be dead, but I am still alive, sitting in the dark in my living room.

What a statement from a fellow victim!! It impresses me that after so long a period of time he still realizes that his pain still lingers deep inside even though he has enjoyed a good part of his life.
~ Bill Knight